“Nice outfit!”

Ever wonder what men really think when women wear t-shirts with witty slogans, Ugg boots, and other fashion statements on a date? Here’s the real deal.

By Matt Christensen

t’s no secret that women spend hours trying to figure out what to wear before they head out on a date (or on the prowl for one). But the reason question is, what do men think of their efforts? We enlisted four men to act as our own fashion police and tell us what they really think about various fads women seem to be copping of late. Which ones get their thumbs up, and which get sentenced to life in the bargain bin? Answers ahead.

“This look always reminds me of self-absorbed teenage girls that hang out at the
“Mini-skirts and heels are like the playoffs and a six pack—the perfect team.”
mall. Did you just come from Claire’s or something?”
—Steve, 31, writer, Missouri

“The words try to make sweats something that they’re not. Sweats should be basic, comfortable, and laid-back. That’s what makes them sexy.”
—Andrew, 25, grad student, Ohio

“With words like ‘juicy’ and ‘pink’ on the butt, it makes me wonder about what message these girls are really trying to send. Not hot.”
—Joey, 29, analyst, Vermont

“Irony is seeing the word ‘classy’ across a woman’s butt. Forget trans fats, these fashion catastrophes need to go.”
—Ed, 29 nightclub manager, Ohio

The jury says: Bargain bin! The sooner you turn these into rags, the better. If you want a guy to check out your trunk, it’s probably best to not cover it with random adjectives.

“Ninety-five percent of the girls who wear t-shirts that say something like ‘Out Of Your League’ really aren’t. And shirts like these only serve to point that out. As for the other five percent, why rub it in?”

“I love a woman in a t-shirt. But I can’t get behind the off-the-shelf sort of generic slogan, message, or design. Now, a legit, vintage concert or band t-shirt, that’s a different story.”

“These could be hot. But, only if the messages read something like ‘Team Stamos’ or ‘I’ve Seen Bloodsport.’ The traditional messages like ‘Team Aniston,’ and ‘Drama Queen’ make me wonder when your parents are coming to pick you up.”

“Trendy does not, nor will it ever, equal sexy. Trading your ‘I’m a virgin/this is an old shirt’ top for a basic white baby t-shirt will get you more flattering looks, instead of repulsed grimaces.”

The jury says: Bargain bin! T-shirts are sexy because they’re basic and simple. Don’t clutter them with meaningless slogans, obnoxious phrases, and any sort of wordplay that you’d see on MySpace.

“If you’ve got nice legs, this look can be sexy with a short dress and heels. It says, ‘I know it’s cold out, but I still want to give you guys something to look at.’ That’s just being considerate.”

“I like being able to check out her legs, while still having to use my imagination to visualize what they’d really look like.”

“Leggings make me feel like she’s trying too hard. Or like she’s been warped through time from the 80s. Once and for all, Pat Benatar was not that sexy.”

“Leggings work for me, but I’m a leg man. I’ve seen a lot of wacky, bold colors, and I can see how some guys might find them unattractive, but understated ones have a certain charisma.”

The jury says: Keep it! Covering up your legs this way can add to the intrigue and charm of your look.

“Wearing these makes you look like you were stuffed into a time capsule in 2003 and just recently woken up. Don’t do it.”

Trendy does not, nor will it ever, equal sexy.
“Unless it’s minus-ten degrees out, I can’t understand why any woman would ever put these on. And, if she’s wearing them with a skirt, I probably won’t talk to her. Ever.”

“Short for ‘ugg-ly,’ right? Leave these to the Vikings, ladies. They wore them better.”

“Pam Anderson used to wear these on Baywatch, and it made me want to change the channel. Think about that. I wanted to turn off Baywatch.”

The jury says: Bargain bin! Somewhere, an Eskimo mourns because you took his boots and wore them during summer. Can you live with that knowledge?

“Walking around with your thong clearly gawking at me from over your jeans is kinda trashy. But, if you bend over and I just happen to get a peek, well, dammit, that’s hot.”

“I will never not look at an exposed piece of underwear on a female body. If it happens just once or twice throughout the night, it’s sexy without being trampy.”

“This is one fad that tows the line between sexy and hideous. The key is to make it look like a well-planned accident and just tease us with a small, yet satisfying, glimpse.”

“Any girl who purposely, yet skillfully, exposes her underwear is basically saying, ‘Here’s my finger, wrap around it.’ For some guys, like me, that’s one of the biggest turn-ons in the game.”

The jury says: Keep it! The key word with this fashion statement is subtlety. Don’t overdo it, and you’re guaranteed to leave the guys wanting more.

“This is the female equivalent of a trucker hat—fun to wear yet obnoxious. But, if you make a joke about how your delicate retinas need 100% UV protection on a daily basis, I’d be cool with them.”

“I immediately assume that a woman is not attractive if she covers up half of her face with these things.”

“These are absolutely OK—if you’re 87 and playing shuffleboard. Otherwise, they’re just covering up prime real estate. No one is gonna bid if they can’t see the property.”

“These sunglasses make woman look like insects! And never once have I looked at a grasshopper and thought, ‘Wow, sexy!’ Leave the bug eyes to the bugs, ladies.”

The jury says: Bargain bin. Don’t be fooled—a brief tilt of the sunglasses can make a woman seem undeniably sexy. Just make sure to pick frames that fit your face, rather than Andre the Giant’s.

“Provided your legs are shapely and not milk-white, mini skirts are super-hot. Girls with Casper-colored legs can look just as hot (if not more) in a tight pair of jeans, though.”

“These are sexy, but I don’t think I’d be interested in dating someone who habitually wears them. Mini skirts will always get women attention, but sometimes it’s better to leave things to the imagination.”

“This is a time-tested, man-approved sure thing. Mini-skirts and heels are like the playoffs and a six pack—they go together perfectly.”

“Ladies, don’t kid yourselves—men will always look at a girl in a mini-skirt. If that’s what you’re going for, put one on.”

The jury says: Keep it! Mini-skirts have been around and in style since the 60s. Embrace the history, and keep the tradition alive.

“This is definitely not something you’d want to break out for a formal occasion. But, at a bar or party, giving my imagination a little head start by way of an exposed bra strap isn’t a bad thing.”

“When done right, this is one of the sexiest things a woman can wear. She can show off her confidence and her body without being overtly sexual. And I love the challenge of having to sneak peeks at her curves without her noticing. I usually fail.”

“Anything that showcases previously uncharted waters can’t be bad, right? Just make sure that you’re wearing a bra and top that actually fits you. Otherwise, your straps will be flying all over the place, and I’ll wonder if you can dress yourself.”

“I feel like this is an invitation. Not for sex, but it tells me that a girl is outgoing and sociable. I wouldn’t hesitate to go up and talk to her.”

The jury says: Keep it! This deliberately playful look is perfect for getting a guy’s attention…and letting him know you’ll be able to keep it.

Matt Christensen has written for Maxim and WWE Magazine. He threw his Ugg boots away a long, long time ago.
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